I always wanted to donate eggs myself, partly because we needed donated sperm ourselves so I’ve been through it from the other side. We wouldn’t have our wonderful family if it wasn’t for the generosity of our sperm donor so it seemed only fitting to try to donate myself once our own family was complete. It feels like bringing things full circle. Because we’d already had to get our heads around the fact that our own children were only going to be biologically related to one of us we’d already broken down that ‘biology = family’ concept so it was very easy for me to be able to donate eggs without any sense of them or any subsequent children still being ‘mine’ in any way.
The other reason is because it just makes sense. I’m a blood donor, I’m on the bone marrow and organ donor registers and now my family is complete I don’t need my eggs any more so if someone else can use them they might as well!
I’ve donated anonymously. I was asked by a friend a few years ago and I decided then that I wouldn’t be able to do that. I’m not sure why, but I decided then that when I was ready to donate it would be anonymously. I wasn’t comfortable going straight to a clinic and it being totally anonymous though. Having gone through the process of finding our own sperm donor I knew that, for us at least, his physical characteristics were nowhere near as important as it was that we felt comfortable with him as a person - we used a known donor for this reason. I knew that through a clinic my recipient(s) - most clinics will split a donation between two women - would only get my basic physical profile as selection criteria, not even a list of interests, field of work or level of academic achievement. I also knew how important it was for us to be able to use the same donor for all our children and so I wanted to just donate to one woman so she would hopefully have more chance of getting frozen embryos and therefore more than one chance at a pregnancy/more than one child.
I ended up going through Altrui. They matched me with a recipient who not only was physically similar but who had similar hobbies, had done a very similar degree and who now worked in a very similar job. Through Altrui we exchanged several emails and they were able to read a reasonably lengthy (several pages) personal profile that I’d written before deciding I was the donor for them. Even though I’ve never (knowingly) met my recipient I felt a real bond with her through this process and it felt absolutely ‘right’. Altrui will only ever match a donor to a single recipient so I knew all my eggs would go to her and I was also able to let her know that I’d consider donating to her again in the future to complete her family if necessary.
As for the process, it wasn’t as challenging as I had feared. Yes, there were several clinic visits before things kicked off and several more once treatment was underway but I felt very few side effects from the medications. I got a few headaches when down-regulating and then some discomfort as my ovaries grew larger towards then end of stimulation. It got quite sore a few days before egg collection and I was quite swollen - I looked about 4-5 months pregnant at its worst, but I was still able to do everything I normally do and apart from being a bit grumpy due to being big and a bit sore there were no real mood swings for me. Certainly nothing worse, or even on a par with, my usual PMT!
Taking the meds was fine. I took the pill for a month before down-regulating, then had a single jab in the clinic to shut my system down. After two weeks I went in for a scan then starting doing my jabs that night. I was nervous the first time and managed to stab myself in the thumb whilst taking the needle out of its sheath but by the second night I had it sussed and it was really simple. The needles that you inject with are so small I usually never felt them.
Egg collection was fine once we’d sorted the logistics. You need another adult with you to drive you home afterwards due to the sedation so my partner took the day off work to look after the kids and a good friend came with me on the day, mainly so she could laugh at me if I said anything daft whilst dopey, which I apparently didn’t. I had a cannula sited, changed into a robe and was taken into the collection room. A sedative was administered and I fell asleep straight away. I have no memory of any pain. I woke in recovery in mild discomfort and I dozed for a while. Once I was a bit more with-it my friend helped me get dressed (I was still a little woozy) I was given painkillers and some meds to help with the over stimulation - they knew I was at risk - and sent me home. The following few days were the unpleasant bit as the over stimulation really kicked in because I swelled up more and started being sick. I went back in a few days later so they could check how severe it was and it was only mild/moderate. (NB this donor had Polycystic Ovaries which caused this. It is not the normal reaction.)
As for the likelihood of over stimulation, I was told the odds were between 4 and 10% for most people but the risks were higher for me because I have PCOS. I almost expected it for this reason. I have however been assured that if I were to donate again they would be able to tweak my dosages of the drugs now they know how I responded the first time so my chances would be less.
The clinic were great and called me every day to see how I was doing until I was better. Alison and Cathy at Altrui were also wonderful through this time and called me regularly to see how I was and offer support. They were great throughout actually. I felt extremely well cared for. By the time a week had passed I felt completely normal again, so although over stimulating was unpleasant it was over quite quickly. It was just a challenge because it happened in the school holidays and my partner had to work so we had to sort out emergency childcare. If I were to do it again I’d plan for that week better. If I’d just been able to stay in bed and rest I’m sure it would have been much easier.
So even though it wasn’t completely plain sailing it wasn’t really that bad and now that I know my recipient is pregnant and has embryos in the freezer it makes it all more than worthwhile. I only know she’s pregnant because I went through Altrui by the way. Through a clinic you don’t get to find out if it was a success until a year after treatment.
I’m very, very glad I was able to do it. I haven’t decided yet if I will donate again but I still have time before I get ‘too old’ so don’t need to decide yet. It is a possibility.
