Chats: What was your biggest concern about coming forward as a possible donor?

[ashParticipant]

Hi Ladies,

I have to agree with Liz, that (somewhat ironically) telling other people has been one of my concerns. I am a mum to 10 month old donor-conceived twins (sperm donor), so issues around talking and telling are close to my heart. My partner and I are open about this with our children, family and friends, but finding the fine line between secrecy and privacy can be a hard thing. I feel such a mix of emotions of telling people about donating my eggs.

In one breath I feel I should be completely open about being an egg donor, to the extent of announcing it to anyone that will listen, to get others thinking about it. We need more egg donors. But then I fear the “what made you decide to do that?” questions – whilst we are open about the conception of our children with circle of family and friends, at some point my children will take ownership of this information and decide who they want to know/ not know so we may end up taking that away from them if we are not sensitive about who we tell. Of those friends I have told, people tend to tell me what a generous thing I am doing. But it just doesn’t feel like that – I can’t quite explain it, but it just feel like an obvious, natural thing to do. The fear of needles and the procedure isn’t there simply because I have been through it all before to get our children (it’s nowhere near as bad as you expect btw!) – the process almost feels familiar, like brushing my teeth! I have much greater admiration for those of you who are donating, having never had any experience of the process.

Another fear is whether it will be successful. We were very lucky with our treatment, but I know that even given this, there is no guarantee of success. In a way I am naively assuming it will be just as successful as our treatment and I will feel so disappointed for the couple if I am not able to give them what they so long for. Even for people with no fertility problems, conception isn’t guaranteed the first time you try!

I would love to be in a position to donate again. Unfortunately later this year I will be blowing out the candles on my birthday cake and celebrating the fact I have become a “fertility geriatric”. Fingers crossed for success for my couple before then!

[Chanice-MarieParticipant]

Very immature of me but my biggest concern (although didn’t think I would be asleep for this) was the suppositaries, I’ve never had to have them before and I was scared about if I’d feel them!

Chanice x

[KrissKeymaster]

When things are unfamiliar they can be scary though - your mind can focus on something that might seem quite small to other people, as a focus for general worries about the process.

I am glad you got through the collection! Have you talked to the clinic about finding out the results?

[Chanice-MarieParticipant]

Yes I have Kriss and I can’t wait!!! I have put together a little frame of things I collected through the process, I even had the clinic print me a photo of my 60 developing eggs then I have the card the recipent wrote me and an email from them just to remind me what a huge thing I have done for them. The egg plantation day was brought forward because her embryo’s were so perfect so I really am praying for a good result.

x

[calestParticipant]

hi, im right at the start of the whole process. ive been on the list for nearly a year but finally found a perfect match and have my first appointment next week. my biggest concern right now is that they will tell me im not suitable to donate. since joing the list i have lost 3stone in weight so my bmi is now healthy so thats not a problem but i want to help someone so much i just worry they will find some other reason why i cant donate. most of my friends and family know what im doing but i still havent told my dad as not sure how he will react but need to do this soon as its all becoming very real now. i do also have two children 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 obviously they are too young to tell now but someday i will have to tell them and this is a concern to me as it directly effects them. most people have been really supportive but a few friends have found me donating odd, and cant understand how i can do it but being a mummy is such a special thing i just want everyone to have the chance to do it and if it means me giving my egg to do it im more than happy to good luck to all who are further along the process to me xx

[Chanice-MarieParticipant]

Hi Calest,

I don’t have children on my own but I have put thought into what I do have children how will I tell them and I really am not worried about this because I want them to know that I have helped someone so what I have done is make a portfolio of everything I have been given from both Alturi and the clinic and I will show my child when they are old enough. Your bound to find people who find it odd because they clearly aren’t as open minded as we all are on this forum, giving someone a chance for motherhood is huge and you should be so proud and so should your family and I’m sure your children will be when there old enough to understand. I have a lot of illnesses in my family that can be passed down and I have active psoriasis which is also genetic and I was still allowed to donate and I’m sure the clinic would have my the recipient aware of this because a child concieved is most likely to suffer too with this. If they have found you a prefect match then it’s all go to be honest Calest, I was found a match less than 2 months ago and I donated my eggs a week ago on Wednesday and it was amazing, they were planted on Monday and now it’s just waiting. Please don’t be worried about telling your dad, I don’t have a dad so I guess I didn’t have this worry, but my Grandad was so proud of me and that’s what mattered. People will find this different because they’ve not lived in a childless life. I say forget what they say and enjoy the experience!!!

I really hope everything goes well and stop worrying honest your in very good hands!

Keep us updated x

[calestParticipant]

thanks for the reassurance, sorry if im a bore but what kind of things have u put in the portfolio? what do they give you? sounds like a really good idea xx

[Chanice-MarieParticipant]

Well I was really cheeky and asked for everything lol, so my last scan I asked for photos, they give you loads of information to read through, every email from Alturi and the clinic, I requested an email from my recipient so I knew why I was doing it and that’s in there, just anything and everything they give you it’s in the portfolio.

Your not a bore I am happy to help

xx

[Author]

Posts