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How I told my little girl I was an egg donor

Claire talks about telling her daughter she’s a donor.

I am 26 years old and have a 5 year-old daughter. I’m one cycle away from starting my first egg donation and am both excited and impatient as time is passing and I know that it’s something the recipients have wanted for such a long time.

Egg donation is something I’ve considered for over ten years so it’s all been a matter of when the timing is right for me and my family. I first thought about it when I was 16 and a friend of my mum’s needed a donor. I volunteered but was refused as I was only 16 and was childless. Ever since then I knew I would donate one day. I’m a blood donor and on the bone marrow register and don’t see it being any different.

I came to the decision that now was the right time when I read an anonymous Facebook page which was set up by the childless couple I’ve been matched up with. Their message really touched me and made it that bit more personal. I didn’t hesitate and contacted Alison and that’s how I am here today.

I recently started a new relationship and was honest about my egg donation when I met my new partner – luckily he is fully supportive and proud of me for being so selfless. But for the best part of my daughter’s life it’s just been me and her. I’ve always been open and spoken the truth (within reason) to her, believing honesty is the best policy where she’s concerned.

This is when the fun started: my daughter always knew she was made from a seed and that seeds come from her mummy’s ovaries – I told her this long before I started the egg donation process. She always used to ask why I was taking my ‘baby tablets’. I once took her to the doctors to have my half-year’s contraceptive appointment and she said to the doctor ‘My mummy takes these tablets because she doesn’t want any babies’, although very innocent also very true.

She attended my first appointment with me as it was during half term. On the drive down I explained the seeds are in fact eggs and mummy was giving a lady some of my eggs. She asked why, so I told her that there is a mummy and daddy who really want a baby but they don’t have good eggs and mummy is going to give them some of my eggs so they can have a baby of their own. My daughter always asks have I given my eggs away yet and she has told her teachers and friends at school that her mummy is going to have some eggs taken from her ‘minnie’ to give to a mummy and daddy to make their own babies.

At the moment she’s too young to understand the biology. I will tell her when the couple conceive. If a child was born from this I’d be honest and say genetically they are a half brother or sister as it was mummy’s eggs, but the other lady grew the baby in her belly and because of that the other woman will be the mummy.

I’m glad that I was always honest and upfront with my daughter as this has made telling her so much easier – she has a basic but good understanding of the process and hopefully will remember. I know it could have been harder if she was older but my advice for any other parents is don’t make it complicated and be honest.

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